Norway

Soon I will be going to Norway. This is a huge step. Something that I have wanted to do for a long time, travel around the world. So now I am doing that. I am actually doing it. I am so excited for it, so nervous, and so curious about what it will be like.

I am curious about the school system there, about the way they live, the food they eat. And I get to find out. I get to go and find out how another country functions.

When a Change is needed.

What do I love?
What makes me happy every time I do it? Is there anything? Yes, being with children. Children make me happy. Helping other people makes me happy. But what can I do on my own that makes me happy.
I am so frustrated with how I am living my life right now. I don't want to sit down on my computer for most of the day. I want to be active. I want to move and be strong and have enough money to be able to go places. I want to be able to play tag with the little kids. I want to love using my body. I want to love to do physical things. I want to do things other than watch TV.
I don't want to sit down. I don't want to run my life the way I have been running it.  But how do I change? The change that I need to make is going to be a difficult one. But It can start with changing the way that I have my room set up. I need to change it a little bit and I can start by doing that now.
I just have to get up and do it. Right now.

Teaching/Learning cycle

You're You!

Taking charge of your life is something that it looks like everyone knows how to do.

 Except me. 

But I know that is not true, no matter how put together someone else seems, they have just as many problems as I do. They are trying to figure out just how to live life, how to be happy, to be themselves. 

Believe it or not, that is harder to do that you would think.

Being ourselves comes natural, but we are always trying to be someone else. To look like this person, to have a sense of humor like that person, to have cute clothes, etc. But the thing is...

"You're You!"

(Ignore the Hans part) Each of us has something to give the world, something that is only ours. No one else can give it. It doesn't matter how we are feeling at the moment. "And it came to pass." Why did it come? to pass. Not to stay, not to remain forever, but to go away and leave you stronger for it. To leave so you could help someone else. 

Everything happens for a reason? So make your own.

100 Things That Makes Me Happy

1. Scriptures
2. Frozen
3. The Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints
4. Blonde Kim
5. Maquel
6. Renee
7. Cherstan
8. Emily
9. My mom
10. Super Heroes
11. Percy Jackson
12. Harry Potter
13. Disney Movies
14. Coloring
15. Drawing
16. Making Music
17. Howl's Moving Castle
18. Thoughts of the Future
19. Having Soft Hands
20. Dressing Pretty
21. Doing my hair nice
22. Having all of my accessories match
23. Getting new clothes
24. Beautiful Music
25. Snow
26. Helping Other People
27. Popcorn
28. Feeling Healthy
29. Red Velvet Cake
30. The Temple
31. Having all of my Homework Done
32. Tropical Gum
33. Pink
34. Waking up early
35. Going to bed early
36. New Shoes
37. Cute Shoes
38. Cleaning my room
39. Beautiful jewelry
40. Crazy Socks
41. Building Snowmen
42. Being outside
43. Swinging
44. Dancing
45. Ice Cream
46. Mac and Cheese
47. Drinking Water
48. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
49. Writing stores
50. Playing
51. Making my bed
52. Having my bed made everyday
53. letters from friends
54. Dieter
55. Learning something new about the Gospel
56. My Family
57. My wall of hard things
58. Having a Job
59. Praying
60. Crying as loudly as I want
61. Gold jewelry
62. Soft paper
63. Having what feels like a productive day
64. Barbie dolls
65. Having a Computer
66. Feeling safe while someone is driving
67. Spending time with people who love me
68. Talking to my friends
69. Sending letters
70. A good meal
71. Painting
72. Birthday Parties
73. When my friends are happy
74. Soft pillows
75. Playing with Kittens
76. Cuddling
77. Holding Hands
78. Making new friends
79. Counting my change
80. Not having bad cramps
81. Babies
82. Happy, well trained dogs
83. Running
84. Good stories
85. Books
86. Bookstores
87. Chocolate Banana Blizzard (made with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and chunky bananas)
88. Typing quickly
89. T-9
90. A Clean kitchen
91. Dishes that match
92. Silverwear that matches
93. Cooking a beautiful meal for other people
94. Learning about the Savior's life
95. Redecorating my blog
96. How to Train your Dragon
97. Being Warm
98. Painting my nails
99. Feeling needed
100. Having things to do

Of Scriptures and Men

I have had some wonderful thoughts as to how I am going to improve my scripture study! I am pretty excited. I want to do them ALL right now! However, I will quickly get burnt out, so I am going to focus on just three of them

• Sit at my desk
• Pray before
• Write down what I think of each verse, then write down what I learned over all from my scripture study. 

It is going to be hard to get used to it, but I can do it. Once I have done those three things for 3 months, then I am going to add in something else. And I just made a reminder in my phone so I won't forget.

On interesting/wonderful news: The dating life is looking up! I have been on several dates since I moved away from home, and All of them have been fun! Some more than others, as I like going on dates where there is a mutual interest. Especially on my part! But don't despair. I have gone on one and a half dates with him, (half cause one was really just a hang out) and I really would like to get to know him better!! I am pretty excited. I have known him for quite a while, as we went to high school together, but we didn't hang out much til my senior year and after I graduated. But that was before his mission and I didn't want to date a Pre missionary, however I may have made an exception for him. Now he is home and we are having wonderful times talking to each other and reconnecting. Maybe it could be more... I hope so.

And... That's a Wrap!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ok, so it is a little late, oh well.

I am no longer living with my family, officially on my own. And I have to say, coming up with productive things to do that are not homework is difficult! I feel like all I do is watch movies and tv shows. I am just about ready to stop that.

I have wanted, for quite a while now, to do things other than watch tv. If I stopped I would have so much more time and would get so many more things done! The thing is, TV is an excellent way to procrastinate. And the least boring way. 

But, perhaps if I come up with a different way to procrastinate, maybe read my scriptures, draw, go for a walk (in the freezing cold!) learn a new exercise. something. Anything really.

I did enjoy reading my readings when I got on the elliptical as well, reading while exercising seemed to work well for me! 

Hard, But Worth It.

Remember last post when I was starting the Body for Life?
Well that didn't happen.
In reality, I knew it wouldn't happen. My mom wasn't ready to do it and I wasn't committed. You would think I would be.
My friend is starting a simple fitness program based on her Sister-In-Law's ideas and it seems like a good plan. (you can find it here! and here!)
The only problem I have is that I don't have a scale in my house. Which is a problem for me. I should purchase one.
I just need to write down what I eat. I like to eat about 6 times a day. Small meals one at 7, 9, 11, 1, 3 and around 5 or 6. I love eating this way, because I never get truly hungry. I will eat pretty good everyday except Friday. FREE DAY! Best day of the week. Actually I have been doing that (not writing it down) and as the weeks went on, I was eating junk because... if I didn't eat it today then I couldn't eat it another time. Not because I wanted it. That was actually a good feeling. Time to get back into that!
I am also going to try and at the very least go on a 30 minute walk each day. I should run as often as I can as I am running a Ragnar in a few weeks, but... I don't have enough time. Working 3 jobs takes quite a big chunk of time out of each day!

Day 1: Body for Life

Day 1:

My mom and I are starting the "Body for Life" program today. 

It is a 12 week program that helps you get your life and body in shape. 

To start this out, I have started reading the book Body for Life and it asks some questions that help me to find my reasons for creating a better body and life for myself.

When you look at yourself, do you honestly like what you see?

Not really. I like parts of myself, but most of the time when I see myself in the mirror, I look for the good as well as the bad. Yet I see more bad than good. I remember a time, not too long ago, where I looked exactly how I wanted to, I felt wonderful. I could go where I wanted and I didn't want to eat everything in site, but it was ok if I wanted ice cream or some cookies. Now, when I am eating ice cream I think about how disappointed I will be when I look in the mirror. While I know I look fine, I know I can feel better about myself. 

How do you feel deep down inside?

I feel lazy. I don't want to have the small belly I have developed. I don't feel good about the way I look and want to feel comfortable in every article of clothing in my wardrobe. 

How do you really feel about yourself?

Disappointed. I know I can do better, but I haven't been trying to be healthy, I just haven't cared. It is time to change that. I am ready to love myself and be able to do all the things I want to do!

Are you confident, energetic, and strong?

I have outward confidence. I have some energy. But I wish I was stronger. I need to feel confident when I am by myself. I need the energy and gumption to get up and work. I need to be strong.

Do you often wonder if you're on the right path?

I know that I am making good decisions as far as "major life" choices. But in the small/large things like eating healthy, these are the decisions that are a little harder. 

What are the pros and cons of continuing in the direction you're going?

If I continue I will be able to watch TV whenever I want, I will be fine for a while. But If I continue to eat the way I am I will become a fat young adult who doesn't want to do anything but eat and watch TV. That is not what I want to do with my life. I want to be athletic, outgoing, confident. 

Would you like to create a brighter future

Everyday.

"When  you answer these questions, your reasons for making the decisions to change will become clear. When they do, wright them down on a piece of paper, and read what you've written first thing in the morning and again at night before you go to sleep. Do this every day throughout your 12-week Program. These reasons will remain your guiding light, your beacon, during the journey you have now decided to begin."

My reasons for change?

• Ongoing confidence
• Satisfaction with myself and my choices
• A way to keep my body strong and active my entire life

Next question.
What are the five most important  specific accomplishments you need to make, within the next 12 weeks, for you to be pleased with the progress of your body and life?
Within in 12 weeks I want to:

1. Feel comfortable in my new Nightwing shirt
2. Want to excersize
3. Lose 15-20 lbs
4. Feel comfortable with myself when I sit down
5. Not have a belly

Now I have my goals. I know what I want. I can achieve it. I have the means, the ability, the will power, and the support.
It is hard to put my feelings and what I truly want on a blog. I don't know who reads it but I don't want sympathy, or people telling me I am fine the way I am. I already know I am fine. I just want to be better.

"The worst enemy of great is good." 

I can be better than I am, and that is a goal I can strive for to be my best self.

"They Cannot Fall"

I am so blessed.

My Father in Heaven keeps sending me blessings, left and right, up and down, sideways and crossways. Even diagonal.

I have a new plan that encompasses everything I have been wanting to do for the past few months. I have an interview for an additional job that I want. I will be starting a new chapter in my life.

Just when I was getting discouraged, starting to give up. And BAM!

Blessings!

With God all things are possible. I can do anything. Because I have God on my side.

27 And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.

Mark 10:27

 

Because what I am going to do, I cannot do on my own. I could try and fail.

Not with God.

 

12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind,  yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. 

Helaman 5:12 

 

Cannot: to be unable to do otherwise than

If you follow Christ, there is no possible way that you can stray or fall away from the path. It is impossible. You CANNOT.

And so I will succeed.



“I’d much rather watch football than football.” -- Jarod Kintz

While I didn't wink at anyone (like I had promised) I did go to a Slip-n-Slide social for the institute on Saturday. I met my friend Miah there and we went down the slid a few times, which was awesome. Then played soccer.
Never before have I been that aggressive in any team sport I have ever played. And I had a BLAST! WE played for 2 hours! I did hurt my ankle, but it was so worth it!
I told Miah to let me know next time he has a co ed soccer game.
Speaking of Soccer, I am reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Hagrid was talking about Soccer. O_o He should be saying Football. I remember when the books were coming out, I had to wait a few extra weeks because they had to go through the book and change some of the words. Then a few years ago I read the British version Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, to me it just seemed more magical. I would love to read all of the books as they were written, none of the words changed.

I started watching Smallville again, picking up where I left off. I am starting to remember why I stopped watching. I have heard that the middle seasons 4 and 5 got a little raunchy. So far... I have heard correctly. I am going to have to start censoring my episodes I watch, reading the synopsis first and then either watching the episode or just sticking with the synopsis. Because some of these, don't seem to have any value to the story... *sigh* at least I have the ability to sensor them myself!

Spinach Puffs

I sometimes get brilliant ideas of what to write about on her...
But then I go to sleep.
Amazing idea's always happen right as I am getting into bed, and by that time I am worn out from the day. I wonder if I could write them all down quickly... only if I invented a short hand! Or just learned short hand!

Maybe I will, that would be cool, then I could write as fast as I wanted, really. or at least as fast as I am thinking.
And now we are talking about waxing... hmmm.
aaaaaaaaaaand.............. Bored.

"You Are A Go Getter" "I Did Not Know That!"

I went to Institute last night with the intent of making some friends.

I left with a better picture of what I am doing in my life.

And what I need to keep doing. 

So I am going to be a little bit bored, hey, Jack, that never hurt anyone!

I can find ways to make life interesting til this stage is over. 

I can grow spiritually and mentally . I can improve myself as I work toward my ultimate goal  of:

No more Debt would be best. For everyone. 

But especially for me. 

But I guess,   no good deed goes unpunished. 

But I also need to remember: No good deed goes unblessed. 

God is more powerful than any debt collector. 

More powerful than a locomotive.

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And able to give second chances to everyone. 

Our God is a God of second chances. 

Tiptoe Higher

You know, doing things for other people just because you can, feels excellent. 

Sometimes the things people do disgust me.

You can find kindness in the oddest places. 

Drawing is amazing.

Today I feel Roman.

And Bored. 

I wish I lived next to a Forever 21. 

I want to play my Viola. 

And the Piano... and the Cello and my flute.

I want to live near  some friends that I can do things with all the time.

And not have it be just a one-sided friendship. Equal effort on both sides.

Maybe I will get that when Renee comes home. If I can convince her to come live with me!

Probably not.

Imagine Dragons is awesome.

My thoughts are disjointed.

But this is nice to just type what I am thinking without having to put it together.

I like having everything on the right side of the page.

Nice

Time for a nap. 

Hope Burns Bright!

The greatest enemy is not outside.

The greatest enemy is inside. 

The natural man.

Reminds me of a quote by Lemony Snicket.

Many old folktales portray Death as a cloaked figure who knocks on the doors of the souls he has come to whisk away, but that is not always the way of the world.  Sometimes Death may approach the door very slowly and very loudly, so that by the time he knocks everyone in the neighborhood is aware of his approach, or he may prefer to pick the lock of your kitchen until you stroll downstairs in your bathrobe and learn that he has been waiting for you, sitting in your favorite chair and rearranging your silverware when he got bored

Trouble and Death seem to have similar habits. 

Sometimes Trouble will march up,  one-man-band style, guns a blazing. 

Other times, he is a thief in the night, kidnapping all of the good luck that was waiting for you and taking it's place in a crude impersonation of something it can only aspire to be.  

Perhaps I  am thinking of this the wrong way,

Maybe  Trouble is a friend just trying to  give me a fighting chance.

But Death  and Trouble are different. 

Death is a release from this life and your path to the next, where we will get to be with God.

Trouble and Hope should be compared. Like twins, different sides of the same coin. 

Hope can brighten a day like  the first rays of sunshine in the morning. Where Trouble  can plunge everything into darkness, a cloud of ash trying to smother.

But , that same ash brings new life, sweeter life. As it sinks into the ground it become an excellent fertilizer for the hope that begins to break through the dirt.

Paint it Red. Paint it Blue

There are some things in my life that are there because they are convenient. I do them every day because that is what I have been doing and I am content to continue doing them. 

It is easy to not change.

But that doesn't necessarily mean it is right. 

Especially when I am feeling the way I am right now.

I need change in my life. 

I don't want things to stay the same.

I want a little mix up, and if it helps me get my loans paid off faster...

All in a days work.

Having loans is seriously the worst. I want them paid off as fast as I can, then my money I earn will be just that. MINE! 

There was a General Conference talk a while back that talked about debt being like prison. Recently that is all I can think of. How trapped I am because I owe money to someone else. 

There is only one way out that I can see. Pay it off. Do it now. As fast as I can!

If I make the change I am thinking of doing... well, maybe I can get it paid off faster!

Open To The Greatest Change

So far the plan seems to be:

"Stay put and do the same thing every day for the next year."

Well thanks, but that is what I did last year! I am not really looking forward to another year of the same thing every day.

So what am I going to do to shake it up?

Today I hoolahooped for 14:09.1 minutes. 

I have a goal to draw something every day. 

I am going to institute this week to meet some new people. 

I guess I have a discovered a weakness I have.

Well, yes, but in reality it is boredom. 

Being so incredibly bored and having no one around to break it up. No one around me to say 

"Hey, Jack! You're fine! Keep up the good work!"

I have myself. 

And to be honest, pep-talking yourself is no fun.

:P

But what I am feeling is more than boredom. 

My heart is broken.

Not by someone, just -- is.

I Know Where I've Been

I can safely say I have no idea where my life is going. 

Sure, I still have plans, and I am going to stick with them, but that doesn't mean things are going to go the way I plan. 

Probably not, actually.

And I am fine with that. 

My Father in Heaven will not let my life be limited by other people's choices. Perhaps plan A does not work out. He has a plan B, C, D, E, F, maybe even G. I am in good hands. 

A Day Like Any Other

The day started just like every other. Cold bus stop. Warm coat. Noisy bus. Crowded school. Comfortable classes. Great friends.
It was just a normal day for Clarissa.
That is until 7th period, when the events to change her life were set in motion.
Honors Science was the easiest class she and her friends had ever taken. Their teacher was more suited to teach elementary children than Jr. high schoolers. But no one minded the movies they watched or the pictures they drew, 7th period was fun!
Everyone knows that getting to leave class early is the best part of any day, and it is even better if you are authorized by the school to do it!
All the band kids in 7th period honors science left 10 minutes early so they could get to class on time. Walking together to the band room, friendships grew, bonds were made and life was good.
Esther, Alan, David, Hugo and Clarissa .
What a team they made.
"Can you believe we graduate 8th grade next month?" Esther exclaimed skipping backwards to talk to her friends.
"Yeah, then we won't have to walk to the high school anymore. We'll GO to high school!" Wide arms showed David's excitement at the prospect of high school.
"What classes are you taking, Clarissa?" Alan asked her.
"Well, I signed up for band, obviously." She waved her hand as if this were obvious.
"Really, I don't think I am going to play anymore."
"Oh!" A pout formed in Clarissa's lip."what if none of us have any classes together then!" She quickly forgot her pout as Esther pulled her forward to examine her new saxophone case.
"What if You and I don't have a class together." Alan said glumly to himself.

The Dog Days are Over!

Day 2: 3rd visit: 4th numothorax: 1st solution!
Here's the story. (It's a good one!)
Monday morning my mom noticed she was coughing every time she stood up. A phone call and a nurse later she went to the instacare for an x-ray.
The x-ray was sent and the doctor ordered another x-ray for Wednesday just before her doctor appointment.
The doctor told us she had more air in her lung and should have surgery soon. He did let us know that if she wanted a second opinion, he completely understood. That was something of a relief.
Rewind to Tuesday night.
Our home teacher came over and gave my mom a blessing with my dad. In the blessing she was told she would know exactly what to do. She would know and have peace. At the time she was considering going to SLC to see a Pulmonologist, luckily we went to the doctor/surgeon first because he said not to travel, it could be extremely dangerous.
Back to the doctor appointment *fast forward*
The doctor answered every one of her questions and they scheduled her surgery for the next day (Thursday at 1:30).
Thursday morning she suddenly started having more trouble. For other procedures she had procrastinated the day away, not wanting to know what they were going to say. Thursday she was ready 5 minutes early, clean, teeth brushed, ready to go. She was confident that God knew what he was doing and he would bless her (and he did!)

The surgery went well and this is what the doctor was doing inside of her :

In the upper left hand corner is a Bleb. Yes that is the real name of it. A bleb is pretty much a type of blister on the outside of your lung. The doctor described it as "HUGE". The upper right and lower left are pictures of him taking the bleb off. The lower right picture is the hole all stapled up.

Now you may be wondering why it took 4 trys to find this.

Let me tell you!

95% of all numothorax's are in the upper part of the lungs. 4% are in the lower part. 1% is on the underside. Guess where my mom's was?

That's right. The underside, part of the 1%, right where the CAT scan couldn't find it!

Fantastic news, she shouldn't have any more problems! She will be in the hospital for a few more days and then be home and on the mend! 

Thank you for your prayers! We have felt them all month long!